I am Batman!
by Marree
Summary: Okay, who here remembers that great old Snickers comercial? Well, something happens to poor SEIFER. (Why all in caps? Because I have learned that if people see the name SEIFER they instantly click on the story. See, you're clicking on it right now. I'm ri


I Am Batman  
by Mariye  
  
======  
Disclaimer: Remember that old Snickers comercial? Yup, I do. And that's  
where this came from. So once again, instead of writing an original  
story (and sending it to either the original story or original novels  
section where it will sit ignored) I wrote a story involving FF8  
characters I don't own.  
BTW: Isn't Seifer fun to write? Especially in humor stories. And   
writing him in the same story as Zell? o^-^o But who will Robin be...  
======  
  
"Hey Seifer! Duck!"   
  
"What?" Seifer turned around and looked up... and was hit in the   
head with a basketball.  
  
Irvine, Squall, Raijin, Rinoa, and Selphie ran over.   
  
"Are you okay?" Rinoa asked, kneeling down beside him.  
  
"How many fingers do you see?" Squall asked, while holding up three  
fingers. Raijin shook his head.  
  
"Man, when someone says duck, you don't look up ya know!"  
  
"That was mean Irvine!" Selphie hit his arm.  
  
"I didn't mean to!"  
  
"Huh? Wha?"  
  
"Hey, you okay?" Squall asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
"How many fingers is he holding up?" Selphie asked.  
  
"Three."  
  
"What day is it, ya know?"   
  
"Tuesday."  
  
"Who am I?" Rinoa asked as she helped him up.  
  
"Rinoa Heartilly."  
  
"Who are you?" Irvine asked. Everyone looked at him like he was an  
idiot. "What? If he had a concussion or something it could give him,  
like an amnesia thing."  
  
"I am Batman."  
  
Everyone looked at Seifer in shock.  
  
"Who?" Squall asked, while raising one eyebrow.  
  
"I am Batman. Defender of Justice."  
  
"Yeah, and I'm Wonder Woman." Selphie said under her breath. Raijin  
and Irvine giggled. Rinoa gave them a look and shushed them.  
  
"This could be serious!" She whispered.  
  
"Wonder Woman? I had no idea your secret identity was Selphie. Good  
job. But now, I can not dally here, I must look for crime to fight.  
Will you join me?"  
  
"Me? Uh, nah, I've had enough crime fighting for the day." She said.  
  
"But don't let that stop you, ya know. Go out there and make the   
halls of Garden safe!" Raijin said. Seifer saluted to him.  
  
"I will go and make it so!" Seifer ran out of the gym. Squall kicked  
Raijin in the leg.   
  
"He has a concussion that could be severe! He should have been sent  
to Dr. Kadowaki."  
  
"Eh, lighten up. He'll get there eventually." Irvine said shrugging.  
  
"I'm gonna go get my videocamera! This could be great!" Selphie ran  
off.  
  
---  
  
Seifer walked through the halls of the second floor, looking for  
'crime' to fight.   
  
"SEIFER. HELLO." Fujin walked up to him and saluted.  
  
"Seifer? Who's Seifer? I am Batman." Seifer stood tall and stuck out  
his chest. Fujin took one look and burst into laughter. After she   
regained her composure, she tried again.  
  
"WASSUP?"  
  
"I am looking for crime and villians. And I think I may have just   
found one..."  
  
"CONFUSED."  
  
"Are you some sort of cyborg, designed to infultrate this place of   
learning and bring it down from the inside?"  
  
"CYBORG?!?!"  
  
"If so, then you should know you shall fail, for I am Batman, tool  
of justice."  
  
"RAGE!" Fujin pulled out her pinwheel and hurled it at Seifer. He   
tried to catch it, but his hand was cut up in the process.  
  
"Egad! That is nothing like the Batarang!" He exclaimed as he pulled  
a potion from his pocket and used it on his hand.  
  
"CAUTION!" Fujin resumed a fighting stance and faced Seifer.  
  
"A smart superhero knows when to retreat and regroup. I shall go   
forth and seek the aid of Wonder Woman and Robin, then return to   
vanquish you!" Seifer sped off, leaving behind a confused Fujin.   
Selphie and Raijin ran up, Selphie with her camcorder running.  
  
"Shoot! He's getting away! Man, for an injured guy he sure runs   
fast!" Selphie looked at the confused Fujin. "Um, Raijin, maybe you  
should stop and explain all this to her."  
  
"Okay. Now quit dawdling and run after him before you lose him, ya   
know!"  
  
---  
  
Seifer ran into the elevator to go down to the first floor.  
  
~I must find Wonder Woman. And Robin too... Wait... Who is Robin?"  
  
Seifer made a starling discovery.  
  
"I have no sidekick!" He exclaimed inside the elevator, making two   
junior cadets very uneasy. He turned and looked at the two scared   
children.  
  
"Do not fear young ones, if you stay good and strong than maybe one  
day you two can be like Batman." As the door opened, the two children  
dashed off. Seifer smiled and walked out in a confident manor.  
  
~Ah, they want to start right away so they two can be like Batman.~   
He started to walk out into the hall, when he saw Zell, shadowboxing  
on the side.  
  
"Hello? Young man?"  
  
"Aw, great... And this was starting to seem like such a good day..."  
Zell said as he saw Seifer walking up to him. He slouched over.  
  
"Zell, this is your lucky day!" Seifer said as he walked up to him.  
  
"What, you're only going to insult me today, and not my mother too?  
Wait a minute, what did you call me?"  
  
"I called you Zell, that is your name, correct?"  
  
"Seifer, you on something?"  
  
"Who is this Seifer everyone is talking about? I am Batman. I even   
have my own cartoon for crying out loud! So how come everyone is   
confusing me with this Seifer character?"  
  
"Okay, hold up. What's going on?" Zell started backing up.  
  
"These are pointless questions. I must know one thing, would you like  
to be my sidekick?"  
  
"Huh!?!?!?!" Zell backed up and raised his fists.  
  
"Good! Splendid! I will call you Robin." Seifer held up his gunblade.  
"Come! Let us adjorn to the Batcave!"  
  
"I ain't going anywhere with you freak!" Zell shouted while backing   
up. Seifer's eyes suddenly took on a strange glare.  
  
"You aren't going to side with me and fight for what is good and   
right?"  
  
"I'm not doing anything what-so-ever with you!"  
  
"Then you are evil! Die evil villain!" Seifer charged Zell with his  
gunblade.  
  
"Wait! I changed my mind! I'm with you! With you!"  
  
Selphie stepped out from behind a Garden plant.   
  
~Hmmm, should I save Zell? I mean, we really don't talk all that   
much... and he only is really friends with Squall and Rinoa. Eh, I   
better. Its good karma.~ Selphie rested her camera down and whipped  
out her Strange Vision.  
  
"Batman!"  
  
Seifer turned around.   
  
"Ah Wonder Woman, just who I need to see! There are villains afoot!"  
  
"Nah, I only see one villain..." Selphie whapped Seifer on the head  
and he fell to the ground. She rushed over and kicked his body with her  
foot.  
  
"Huh? What's going on? What am I doing out here? I thought we were in  
the gym..." He asked as he sat up.  
  
"Who are you?" Selphie asked as she helped him up.  
  
"Who do you think I am? I'm Seifer."  
  
"How many fingers am I holding up?" She held up three fingers.  
  
"Six?"  
  
"Eh, good enough." She said as she skipped away, leaving Seifer to  
wonder what all that was about.  
  
"Weirdo." He said as he placed his hand on his hip. He swung his   
gunblade around to put it back in the strap that went under his arm,  
but found he hit something halfway. He turned around and looked down.  
  
"Whoops, sorry Chicken-Wuss." Seifer said. Zell didn't move. He kicked  
Zell's head. Zell's eyes popped open. "You okay?"  
  
"I think so..."  
  
"How many fingers am I holding up?" He held up two.  
  
"One finger and a thumb."  
  
"Cool." Seifer said as he walked away. Zell shook his head as he   
watched him.  
  
~I can't believe a simpleton like him would ask Superman such stupid  
questions. Oh well, I wonder what Lois is doing...~ And with that   
Zell ran off.  
  
======  
  
[the end] 


End file.
